Myths are one of the best products of ancient cultures. They are somewhat true stories that sprinkle in some fun things to patch in the bits that don’t make sense. Certainly, they can be far more interesting than the truth, because who cares that the moon is just a big rock. No, the moon is a chariot or a man chasing his wife or a rabbit making rice; that’s way cooler. Most often these stories are of men who can perform amazing feats of strength like Heracles, but everyone has heard his story. If you haven’t, go watch the Disney movie: it’s darn good. So here let me yarn you the tale of the Nazarene Heracles: Sampson.
So there was this one guy, Sampson, who couldn’t cut his hair. One day, he saw a wondrous sight, a woman. Sampson immediately rushed home and told his dad to get her for him as a wife. They went to see her then, a lion attacked Sampson who promptly tore it in two. Later he saw the dead lion, but it had a beehive in it. Sampson ate the dead-lion-honey and went to be married. He set up a feast to happen in a week and gave the guests a riddle. If they solved it, they got 30 sets of clothes, but if no one solved it, each person had to give Sampson 30 sets of clothes. They got angry and threatened to burn his fiance in her father’s house. Everyone ends up getting the riddle somehow, and so Sampson went and killed 30 Philistines to pay everyone.
When he got back, his fiance was married to someone else. The father of the woman said, “Woops, sorry. Thought you didn’t like her anymore, here have the other one.” Sampson burned down the town and married Delila. Three thousand men came to arrest Sampson, whom he killed with a jawbone. Delila turns out to be a spy and asked Sampson what his weakness was; he then lied and thought nothing of it. Delila called the Philistines, and did what Sampson said to make him weak, it didn’t work. He killed the Philistines. Delila asked again what his weakness was and the process repeated multiple times. Eventually, Delila convinces Sampson to tell her the source of his power. She cuts his hair and Sampson loses all his strength. He is arrested, his eyes are gouged out and he was put in the most populated building in the city tied to a pillar. He prays to God and asked for him to give him his strength one final time and knocked over the pillar killing everyone. Hooray.
Now we all love Sampson, but he is not exactly the brightest tool in the shed if you catch my meaning. If you don’t , I’m saying that he just brute forces everything because he has no reason not to. Even when Sampson tries to be clever he just ends up doing what he always does: kill the philistines. All in all, though it makes a really cool story and makes it a bit more fun when instead of putting in the work he just goes out and kills people to pay his debts
Anywho, that’s all folks. I hope you all enjoyed the tales I’ve yarned. B-bye now!
